Thursday, March 31, 2011

Who is that person in the mirror?

Oh Lord, I caught myself in the mirror today. I usually really do not take a lot of notice. I mean, I clean my teeth and wash my face. Sometimes I put on makeup, but when I do that I am really just looking at what I am doing. Its very difficult these days not having sight in one eye. You cant close the other one to put on liner or shadow. Anyway I am not taking much note of what I look like. Well today I thought I saw my Auntie Georgie looking back at me, and she just died so that was sort of scary. My eyes have changed......now I look like my dad's sister. I stood and looked, and I remembered her. Made me think. I always thought she had a pleasant face but it was always old to me. I don't want an old face. I want my own face. I took care of it and do not really have a lot of wrinkles for my age..........there....that's it from now on. Not bad for her age.......ahhhhhhhh!!!!
I am not vain, I never really liked my looks. I prefer something more classical but well if I am honest and look at pictures from when I was young I was not that bad. Well youth is always OK. My teachers said I looked like young Elizabeth Taylor. I was insulted at the time. She was old. Oh to be of an age when a woman in her 30s is old. I did not know that she had been a child actress back then and I did somewhat resemble the child Elizabeth. Not as I grew up though. One thing I did have in common was the eternal struggle with weight. When I was young I was slim. In my teens and 20s my waist was always 22". It was not really until I turned 40 that weight was an issue. After that, well the thyroid didn't work so well and its been a struggle ever since and I hate it. So anyway.......now I do not see any part of that young me in face or form. Could I have been done better? Maybe if I had done this or that and kept the weight off and exercised and ......well.....I did not. Could not. I never liked the idea of being that involved with what I looked like. Then I wanted to be better at 60 than 50 and it was a bit late to change the devastation the years wrought. Maybe I can say I want to be better at 70 than 60......is it even possible?. Now I have Tristen with me and the poor kid will have an old hag for a (stand in) mum. Maybe I can at least try to look a few years younger. Maybe if I make a big effort I can get into all my new jeans I bought at the end of last winter that do not fit me now. I am darned if I am going to replace my winter and then summer wardrobe when I have all this new stuff hanging in there so..............diet here I come. Its exercise I need and I am getting that chasing the little wee beastie around. I need to get off my lazy butt and make this the year I don't scare myself when I catch sight of ME in a mirror unexpectedly.
I am not Auntie Georgie and not my mum so lets get this act together
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