Abide With Me.....For Alex

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.
Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see—
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.
I need Thy presence every passing hour;
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s pow’r?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.


Henry F. Lyte

Mothers Day............

Mothers Day





Mothers Day........ its on a different day in England. I remember going to Luton market to get my mum flowers. I liked the blue Dutch iris and the yellow pom pom branches from some Australian plant that I forget the name of. Anyway......They are so pretty together.
What do we expect from our Mother? She will never live up to the expectations of her child. There is no perfect Mother, children don't come with instructions. Children don't see mum as a person with a life and her own problems. For the child its all about them. If you are fortunte the day comes when the child realizes just what the parents have done for them. Some parents never live to see the day. You can only do what you think is best, you pray for your children, you love them even though they give you the most pain. They think they can say whatever they like, that a mother does not have feelings and can take it all. They do, they understand but still I am sure we all wish that children matured quicker and had a little more empathy. God made mothers with a thick skin. The ability to take it on the chin time and again. Not until our own children are grown with children of their own do they begin to understand a little and maybe have some regrets. For a child, they are the center of their own world, parents are just there to accomodate their every whim. Gone are the days when children were expected to work. Parents are expected to do all that so the child can play and have everything they think they need. Its time to turn the clock back and raise children that care about their parents, help them and appreciate them. Young teens and twenties are among the worst they expect everything given to them, a car, clothes and spending money. They get a token job to put gas in the car but expect mum and dad to cover insurance. I think I was fortunate with mine. The boys both worked very hard from the time they were allowed to. They grew up to be responcible adults. I am not sure about my granddaughters though. The eldest one Danielle seems to get it. She works hard and understands but she is the one who always had to be responcible for the younger ones. Alex was learning and just before she died she had made huge progress............Gabby has a long way to go.
So how will I handle my little Tristen? That's going to be a challenge. I want him to have fun but want him to grow up to be a responcible and hard working man. God must guide me. cant do it alone. Not anymore. Not in todays world.



I wrote this in 1986 as my two boys were growing up and about to leave home.
They are grown men now. Both having been in the United States Marine corp and then attending Michigan Tec. Both now have good careers and I am proud of them both for growing up to be good men. This picture was taken at Gabby's graduation


It is so difficult to see you go out into the world. The world is such an unforgiving place. It shows no mercy. You will meet all kinds of people, good and bad and I can not protect you from life......Always do your best. If you must judge people do so with kindness and mercy. Be honest and truthful and always remember who you are....you are a child of Christ. He is always with you. You will experience all kinds of temptations that you can not even dream of yet. I can not help you. You must make your own choices and descisions, and so it is so very important that you develop that special and close relationship with our Lord. Only He can guide you and answer your questions. He can be with you through the difficult and sometimes lonely times that are sure to come......be careful who you choose as friends and of your name and reputation. When we are young we often scoff at those things, at how important those things are, but once tainted with a bad reputation it is never cleansed nor forgotten.....when a person does not know you they often judge you by your friends.
When the time comes and you meet that special person, remember that the overwhelming physical attraction that you feel is not love. When that is gone as it will be, or at least it will fade....then you need to have so much more than that to build your life around. Friendship and respect have much more value in the end. If you are very lucky you will find your soul mate and have it all but that is rare and marriage should be forever. Then in the long winter of your lives you will have a friend. Do not let the initial feelings blind you to the person beneath. I will always be there for you as long as I can be. As long as I walk this earth you will always have a home, and you will always have my love.
Mother.

Dreams Of England...............

Dreams of England........
I often dream of England, I dream that I am there.
I roam the fields and long lost haunts.... I wander everywhere.
I walk in places from my youth with friends that I once knew.
I remember well those lovely roads but my dreams are all too few.
I wish that I could stay there and live in those sweet dreams,
But I must stay in this new world or that is how it seems.
I know that I must come back here and live my daily life,
I live here now because...... I am a mother and a wife.
But my heart remains in England and till my dying breath
I will dream that I am back there and some day after death,
I will walk again those wondrous paths as my body lays beneath
I will roam those old green meadows the woodland and the heath.
Stroll again the Bluebell woods and pastures oh so green.
Among the ancient hallowed hills the best I've ever seen.
Maybe I'll meet King Arthur who knows who will be there?
Merlin with Excaliber and all of those who share...
This love of that great country where the bravest and the best
Can not lie in foreign soil, but must come home to rest.
JKS




Solitude..............JKS

A quiet walk on a well worn path
Thru woodlands lush and green
Solitude and silence echo the birds sweet song
Butterflys and dragonflys the only things to be seen

The whisper of a falling leaf
My footsteps fall on moss all soft and giving
The pungent odours from long dead trees
Bringing sustenance to all things living.
JKS

Perspectives....................

My perspective has changed since Alexandra died. When I visit her grave I find that I now feel I have roots here. I have never felt that before. I always felt England was home and always would be. As a child I would go with Auntie Annie and tend family graves. People I never met nor even heard of mostly, but all with our family names. When mum and dad died they were laid to rest in that same cemetary, well the new part of it anyway. When I looked around I saw neighbours and relatives graves. Mum and dad lay across from Mr Mole who lived across the road from us on Bidwell Hill. It all seemed so right somehow. Thats where I wanted to be.
I always loved the old cemetary. The grave stones lay at all angles as ground had shifted. Ivy grew up many of them and it was overgrown and comfortable. The birds nested in the big trees and many graves were hidden now from long neglect. Still it was peaceful and I liked to be there. When I went back many years later the stones were all lined up along a wall.
Someone had tidied up. It made it easy for me to take some pictures of my relations stones for my geneology project.
The new cemetary across the lane was an open field and didnt feel quite the same but still it was where everyone I knew was laid to rest back then. Where I expected to be. I had told my cousin Mark that I wanted to be there and would be cremated and sent to him. Trouble is I am sure he would have left me in his garage for years and years before he found the time to get up to Bedfordshire to do the deed.
So it was, when Alex died and I saw her grave I started to feel that now I was more at home here than I have ever been. By Alexandra lies my Mother in law, my sister in law. My brother in laws baby and other relations on my husbands side. People I know. I am if not "home" here now, I feel the beginnings of a tie to this place with Alex being here. No one should have to bury their granddaughter, but in doing so I now feel more of a desire to remain here. Maybe now I can be at peace?



If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
That is for ever England.

~ Rupert Brooke









Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.



~ Mary Elizabeth Frye

The Daffodil by William Wordsworth


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Citizens of the World.........................

Are we simply citizens of a country or are we citizens of the world?. That made me think. All borders and boundaries are man made. We are born into our country and culture. Some like me move to another country and learn a new culture. We are all citizens of the world though........we are linked by the things that happen on this planet. When men do evil it diminishes us all. If we do not do anything about it then we have some blame. We have laws, but there are natural laws as well. When those laws are broken it causes ripples across the globe. Think of Chernoble. Think of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. America is not only a nuclear power it has used that weapon against other human beings. We criticize and condemn others for trying to arm themselves and yet we will do nothing about disarming ourselves. People have stood up and tried to ban land mines and many nations have agreed, but we will not. American remains constant in the opinion that we need them on the borders between North and South Vietnam......we condemn China for its stand on human rights and yet we have a society that condones torture and holding prisoners without charging them, nor give them the right to council nor the right to representation nor the right to defend themselves(Guantanamo). Is that what we are, is that what we have become?.
There is a problem with illegal immigration, everyone seems so worried that they will somehow loose their own rights because of this, and yet these people do jobs that the average American will not do. Will this come to be another racial thing in this country much like the blacks were treated right up until the 1980s and beyond. Will they be rounded up much like the Japanese Americans in WW2 and placed in prison camps with their possessions stripped from them. Their rights taken away from them......and now again the Muslims in this country, what about their rights. Its all so ....wrong.
Yes we have enemies but I question how many have we made through our own actions as a nation?
I believe we owe it to humanity to do what we can to help anyone in need. If its the fact that the unregistered immigrants are breaking the law, then change the law. The law is to serve man, not man the law.As far as Mexicans go much of this land was taken from them in the first place. I realize that its not just Mexican's who come in illegally through that border. So fix that problem, don't persecute people coming here to find a better life. At one time that was what we were all about. There are other laws, Gods laws and God says to feed the hungry, do good to those who hate you and persecute you........pray for them.Give them hope.

Looking back a couple of years........Lady

I wrote this 3 years ago. I want to keep it here and so I will copy from another blog. Spring of 2007






This was a strange week. On Tuesday the farrier came and we had the horses feet done. The pony Chance keeps getting out of the field. Jodi spent over 10,000 dollars to fence in the two pastures. The little bugger keeps getting out, its always better outside the fence for him.
Well Jodi decided enough was enough and had Annie (a friend) come and get Chance that same evening.
Halo, the thoroughbred is very possessive of his little herd, consisting of Chance and Lady. So he clung to Lady next day.
Thursday morning it was Jodi's day to do the barn and she went down around 6.30 to feed the horses. Lady was her usual obnoxious self banging the door to get out and
her usual "I want my breakfast" routine. Jodi fed them, went up to the house to get her little girl ready for school, she is 6. Riley was not upset too much about Chance leaving, he was her pony, and she was to have real lessons on him until she outgrew him. He would be safe at Annie's
So anyway, at 7.30 Jodi went back down to let the horses out before taking Riley to school. Lady was laying down in her stall and had not eaten breakfast. That's a big concern for us because, well Lady lives for her food. Jodi called me...........as we were talking on the phone Lady got up and went outside and ran up the hill. So Jodi said, "well....maybe everything is OK after all". Then Lady laid down again, so I said call the vet (they had to have spring shots anyway) and I will be right there.
Gerry and I got Tobin (he is 3) ready and off we went.
Well, she was still laying down and Jodi was with her when we got there....she asked a friend to get Riley for her and take her to school so she could be there with us. We could not figure out what was wrong, lady did not seem in pain, but kept getting up and laying down and was getting weaker. Thought it might be colic but it just did not seem to be that and Lady never had colic a day in her life. Jodi gave her something to relax her in case that was it and we watched and waited for the vet petted and rubbed her. When he got there I had pretty much decided this was it for Lady. We had dreaded this for many years, she was after all 41 years old. Ancient for a horse.
Dr Rabb said "boy she looks in good shape" but......whats wrong?. He had not seen her since the Autumn of the prior year. He checked her out. I said " I think this is it?" and he agreed, it may have been a stroke and a blood clot or something like that.......anyway we petted and fussed her she knew we were there and Jodi thought she had just been waiting for me to get to the barn. Riley said good bye to her before she went off to school and hugged and kissed her face. Poor kid was upset all day wondering about her. Lady has been at jodi's since before Riley was born.
So meanwhile Halo is freaking out at first and being protective of Lady, but then he resigns himself to it and lets us alone. He kept coming over and nuzzling her and sniffing her nose to be sure she was breathing.Trying to encourage her to get up.
When Dr Rabb gave her the euthanasia she just went to sleep. Jodi and I hugged each other and cried........an end to an era.
When I first brought Lady from the big barn (where I boarded her back in the days when we rode) it was to a small barn with just a few horses including Halo. Then that barn closed and Jodi and I fenced in her 5 acres for Halo and Lady. She later bought more acreage and got that fenced in. Lady was in heaven with all that great grass. In return for keeping her there I did the barn work and bought the food. It worked well for us all. I loved it there and all summer I went every day and cleaned and played with the horses and walked in the fields. Jodi brought them in at night and when summer was over she did two days a week of cleaning. So we could have time off. So not having to do that any more leaves a big hole in my life. I have been with Lady every weekend almost since 1985 as well as during the week.
Meanwhile after Lady was dead Halo hung around her for a time, would go off and graze and come back to check on her. Jodi said during the day she was lying in the field he would go lay with her and nuzzle her. Poor guy, he loved her. Eric had to bury her that night after he got the equipment to do it. They had to go get Chance back for a time so Halo had company on Friday. Chance and Halo went in the other field together but on that Thursday Halo was with his Lady until she was buried.
Poor Riley was just so sad, she cried and cried and said to Jodi " I dont want Lady to be scared in that big hole in the dark" So Jodi had to explain that it was just the body in the hole that Lady was not old any more, she was off playing with her long lost buddies Spyder and Gibby in those fields beyond in that other world where they wait for us.

Lavender Blue dilly dilly, Lavender green.
When I am King dilly dilly you shall be Queen.