I wonder if it's the same for every generation. Standards and times change. I thought certain things were a given. Honour, honesty, integrity, faith, love, commitment. Doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do. To stand up for what is right even if it's not in your own best interest. I remember my Mother told me I was a "sucker" that I let people use me. The older I get the more I do see that is true to a degree, but I don't do it for the reasons she was thinking. Not to be "popular" or to expect things in return. I do it because that's what comes natural to me. I have to. Someone needs a place to stay, "Oh come on in" they need a loan "Oh let me see what we can do" and sometimes that means giving up something in order to do that. Why? I don't know. Our door is always open. It always has been as many people could tell you. Ever since we were married it seems that we have always had someone here. I like the company, it certainly has never been beneficial financially that's for sure. Usually we ask the minimum we can in order to "help" the other party. Usually kids, friends or friends of our kids and now Grandkids and Great Grandkids. Gerry's brothers and sisters in years gone by. Always someone.
When I was growing up I remember my Uncle Alan came to live with us when he got divorced. Maybe that made an impression on me? I don't know. I remember I was miffed because he always watched tennis on tv and it was boring. He has a daughter Elaine and she stayed with us for a short time,probably school holiday. I got in trouble because I wanted to play with Dawn next door and Elaine was too Little. Mum yelled at me and said I was being selfish. I know my Mum gave me a lot of hang ups but that was not one of them.
So in today's world of "Women's rights" I wonder about things. Women after the war never wanted to return to the domestic bliss of the pre war years. Although my Mother always worked as far as I recall. I think she worked her way through about every shop in the village, she also worked at the laundry at some point. I remember that because I hit my head at school sliding on an ice slide, and someone took me to her. Talk about a sweatshop. I just remember all the steam and hissing. They put a copper penny on my bump. The ladies fussed over me.
I suppose I was sexually naive for a very long time. I have been thinking about that a lot in recent days. The women who are talking about "not feeling comfortable" around Joe Biden. He seems to be the nicest man and shows affection too much for some. He makes them uncomfortable. I personally think that is their problem not his. Some people do not like to be touched and he is obviously a very "touchy" man. Not like the freak in the White House though. He who thinks it's just fine to grab a woman by the pussy (his words) and to pay off prostitutes and act out in adultery. Joe being a family man who seems to love his family is far different. Well, I personally am not a touchy, huggy, kissy person either but for some reason, even if I don't feel comfortable with it, I do not take offence or make a fuss.
For example our next door neighbour Charlie, he was a very handy man. My Mother could not stand him. we always got a New Years kiss and it was not a peck on the cheek and usually went along with a quick squeeze of some part of our anatomy. Mum avoided him best she could and would have slapped him had he done what he did to me. I remember sitting on the couch, him in the middle of his daughter and myself. He draped his arm over our shoulder and grabbed my breast. Dawn saw it and went red, I just laughed and moved his arm. I see no reason to humiliate his family. Maybe I don't guard my personal space too much. I was also, as I said, very naive.
So one time my Uncle Alan set me up on a date with a friend of his. I didn't like him but went anyway to please Alan, can't remember where. When he kissed me I cringed and didn't kiss him back. So apparently a complaint was made because Uncle Alan said that his friend said I didn't know how to kiss properly. Well with that he proceeded to "show me how" ugh......how embarrassing and I couldn't tell him it was because his friend was repulsive to me.
One day when I was at work and leaving for lunch an old guy who worked there, known for his reputation of being a "dirty ol man" nailed me with a full on kiss on the mouth in the parking lot. What a shock, he stopped me to say something and took my shoulders and nailed me. Ugh.........I laughed and walked away. What else would I do. Good grief. Then a long time friend of ours, no names mentioned here would always grab my breasts any chance he got...........again, I never said anything and treated it as a joke, I didn't want to embarrass his wife. So............when I hear these women make a big deal of these things I just wonder. Now, granted my experiences I could joke over and that's not to me the same as being raped or forced to do things. The men who took advantage of me were harmless as far as I know. I never resented them nor thought badly of them, it was the times we lived in. Men did that. So now, things have changed and it's hard sometimes to take that seriously. When wolf whistles (that we enjoyed) or personal remarks were just taken in stride are now seen as demeaning. I know that I grew up before the "women's movement" and have to say I did like men's attention. I dressed accordingly. I didn't want to be like mum and get all prissy and sensitive about it. She had no problem making a scene. Me, well I would avoid that like the plague. I hate being the center of attention. I liked men more than women when I was young haha they were friendlier. Now I am grown up and see what some men are like, most are not trustworthy when it comes to commitment and faithfulness. Then there's the human trafficking and sexual exploitation of women. I didn't see any of that back then. I do remember being really pissed off once, I was climbing the stairs on the bus and some guy stuck his hand up my skirt and grabbed me. I couldn't see who it was and was really mad at that. A stranger having the balls to do that.
Faithfulness seems a thing of the past. We will have been married 5o years next anniversary. The one thing I told him was that if he was ever unfaithful that would be it, no 2nd chance, a deal breaker. So far so good as far as I know. We have had our problems that's for sure but we took vows and that means something to me. I promised God before witnesses that it was till death do us part and so it is. Meanwhile some people in my life have been married 3 or 4 times and yet call themselves Christians. Not to judge them but still I can't understand it. I said "For better or for worse" I meant it.
My Dad was a wonderful man, very honest and upright and yet, even he had an affair. He taught me that you should never judge a person by their colour or race. He was a POW in Japan and yet held no hate for them in his heart. It was war, and war was the evil not the people. I believe that. I am a pacifist. I do not believe in that sort of violence. There is another side or me that will strike out in anger, especially with my mouth but I do not like that about me. Morals..........does anyone have them anymore? Our leaders are no example. Even the churches are not a good example most of the time. When Jesus told us to Love each other He didn't qualify that and say except for......gays, people with long hair, Muslims, communists and whatever. No He said "love them" so where does a church get off preaching hate. I remember going to church down in North Carolina. It was in the Clinton years. The preacher was ranting on about Bill and I was thinking "shouldn't you be praying for your president?" and then when Franklin Graham condemned Hillary for sticking by her husband, well that did it for me. I do not justify Bill in any way for what he did but it was a personal sin to me and between he and his wife. Wives are supposed to be loyal to their husbands and she was certainly a better woman than me because I would have left. Granted I am sure she had her reasons politically for staying but that is their business not mine.
So the times they are a changing................I for one do not like it. In the 50s and 60s when things began to change I thought my parents generation were so stuffy and prudish. Well Elvis the Pelvis may have been mild compared to now and Marlon Brando's "wild one" was banned in England at the time, was also mild. They opened up a door that will never be shut and looking back to Dessie and Lucy in twin beds, well now look at it. What can I say. Perspective...........what did we do?
