A matter of life or death..................

I think I mentioned that Bijou had a brush with death recently. Last week actually. She was very sick and we could not figure out why. We knew she had a kidney stone, and also the stone in her bladder again because we had xrays done. That didn't explain this pain and decline though. The vet put her on a large dose of antibiotics and pain killers. She managed to get through it slowly, it was a mystery, the vet could not figure it out. Well a week passed and she was eating regular and so I decided it was best to take care of the bladder stone because she was having problems again peeing. So it was that we took her in again. I got a call later that morning, the vet told me she had found a mass of gelatinous substance attached to her stomach wall, it went around her internal organs and bled when touched. It was not possible to remove it.SHe had no idea what it was, was afraid to biopsy and make it ooze more. What to do? close her up and see what happens or put her to sleep?.

My husband had just gone to work thinking everything was OK. So I called and had him come back. He was very very upset. I told the vet to close her up and we would come up and see her to talk. She wanted to wait until Bijou came out of the anesthetic so we went up later. The vet by now was very surprised that Bijou was awake and alert. We talked and we decided we would take Bijou home and at least let her know we were there and she was loved and just cherish a few days with her before taking her back to put her to sleep. Well, when we went back to where she was in her cage, she sat up and wanted out. The vet decided then and there to let her go home and then for us to bring her back next day to give her more fluids. She thought that she would do better at home than to stay overnight which was what she had wanted to happen at first.

We took her home, we found the old crate we used when they were babies. They could sleep on the end of the bed in it without getting squished. So we made that up for Bijou and she was able to sleep in her usual spot even if somewhat confined.
Next day (today) we took her back first thing to have her get more fluids and pain meds. We picked her up at noon. Again the vet could not believe how well she was doing. She has slept a lot today but is eating well. The vet says she has never experienced anything like this in her 30 years as a vet. She calls her, her miricle dog. We don't know what her future prognosis is, but she is home for now.

So this is the thing............we were close to saying "let her go" while she was still asleep. The vet would have done it thinking it for the best. I said no, because I wanted Bijou to know we were with her. If it came to that I wanted to be holding her. Then when she woke up (and the vet was not sure she would) and was alert and her pain was controlled.......well. I decided that we should bring her home for whatever life she had left.

That is the dilemma isn't it? Taking a life. I have done so in the past, for what I considered good reasons, or the best for the animal at the time. I never take it lightly. I always regret it. I always feel the pain of second guessing my motives and my reasons. I can not stand the idea of a beloved pet in pain, especially if nothing will get better. God gave us dominion over the animals. I take that to mean that I am to do what is best for them. If it means ending their life it must be with great soul searching and consideration, not for selfish reasons or convenience. I may have done that once when it involved a cat, maybe two cats. They had issues we could not resolve. Both would poop and pee all over the house, on the beds and furniture. The vet thought in the first case (Buffy) that she was sick, she could not figure it out and thought it best to put her to sleep. Long story with Buffy because of her family history, her sister born with her organs on the wrong side and her mother had the same issues that Buffy did. The second cat Beatrice was so stressed by even being at the vets that the vet pursuded me it would be the best, that she was sick and would not respond well to treatment. She suggested to try to retrain her would be to confine her to a bathroom. Well that would be cruel and so we made our choice. I regret both of those choices, even so, I don't know what else I could have done.
With the poodles, Bonnie was in the throws of a heart attack and was about gone by the time we got to the vet so it was a case of seeing her off gently and pain free as best we could. Bambi much the same but Buttons, sweet Buttons, Dr Burke came to our house. We said goodbye and took the easy way out, could I have waited longer? I don't know. Poor Buttons, such a sweet sweet girl and so many ailments all her life. I didn't want her to suffer but she did not like to see the vet there, was she ready? Ah, well that's it isn't it? Do we really have the right to deny even one day? If dogs go to heaven, then it doesn't matter. We will see them again. What if they don't? Then we have taken from them what little life they have.
Do animals have souls, do they have another life when they cross the Rainbow bridge. Part of me says no. Who does go to heaven? Did the dinasaurs? Do cows? animals that have terrible lives here deserve another chance at life don't they? Is it just our pets, that can't be. It can't just be dogs and cats because in some countries they are food. What I do know is every animal has a personality. Even birds have character so, if God knows when even a sparrow falls from the sky, does God love them? They certainly deserve love more than we do in my opinion.
So Bijou............you may have a long life ahead, but it might be short going by what's going on inside you. I do not want to have to make the choice over your life or death, not again..........but I will when I need to. It's what comes with loving them and doing what is best for them with complete knowlege and consideration of all the facts. It has cost over 1,000 dollars so far..........we cant afford it (and this is the 2nd time) but it is what we do isn't it?. Life does not have a price does it? It shouldn't but I fear it does sometimes. Still, for now, we have Bijou home and happy and we will relish every single day and thank God for it.