Take a walk in Blue Bell Woods listen to the sounds around you, of bird song and bees. Smell the flowers and the scent of Spring in the air. Every year is a new beginning and every day a blessing

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." (Colossians 3:15a NIV)I would love to hear from you, if you don't have a blog you can still comment, join google it's free. I appreciate hearing from you.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

One Year on............


It has been a difficult year in many ways. I realize now that although I have lost many members of my family, at my age that is to be expected. Loosing a 21 year old granddaughter is not. When mum and dad died it was probably made easier because of the distance. With them living in England and me here in Michigan I did not see them often. We had great visits and they enjoyed their holidays here, it is not the same as when someone is living in the same house, or that you see all the time. I think maybe the only other death that effected me as much was my grandmother when I was quite young. Alex lived here and was a force of nature, she would always make an entrance. If she was in the house, then it revolved around her. She was never to be ignored. She was noisy and disruptive, always on the go never still for long. So the silence that followed her death was deafening. We did of course have Tristen here and I suppose in a lot of ways he made it easier to go on without too much bother, after all a baby has its demands as well. He was about 14 months at the time his mother died. As the year progressed it was a great comfort to go to the grave and decorate. Laura (her mum) and me go often and decorate for whatever is appropriate. Right now she is all decked out in Valentines hearts and stuff and we will be going for Easter next. I will also take some Spring flowers to plant. Her loss is something different to anything I have experienced before, in some ways it has changed me. I now look at Michigan more as a permanent place for me. I had wanted to be sent home (cremated) when I died, now I want to be with Alex. I suppose in that respect I now have "roots" here. Tristen is both a trial and a comfort. He is a happy 2 year old now with loads of personality just like her, he is obnoxious and funny, cute and sassy, smart and mischievous. So much like Alexandra was as a baby. She was such a cute little kid and always in trouble. It sought her out I think. Alex and I had things in common, she loved my old horse and would go with me to the barn. She also liked to draw and I have kept her things for Tristen.
So a year has past, I no longer think its her when someone comes in. I will always miss her and we will always remember her so beautiful and young and full of life. She had her troubles too she was not always happy but she was on track in many ways when she died. She was planning her marriage and its sad that she will not be that bride because she would have been so beautiful. We still see her fiance and he still sees her son now and then but it gets less and less as he moves on with his life, as he must. That too is sad but I am glad for him. Everything is bittersweet. Soon Tristen will begin to ask questions and we are not sure how we will respond yet, it will always be the truth but as he is able to process the truth. We take him to visit her and he loves to play in the cemetery so its not an unhappy place for him.
So we move on, closing the door to that year of our lives, we will always mourn and always remember but maybe as time goes on with more joy than regret because we know that Alexandra is with her Lord and we will see her again someday.


Donna said...

Hello Janice,

Oh my, reading this broke my heart, but I'm so happy to hear you, her mother and son, are all doing well. May God continue His blessings on you.

I am your newest follower on all three of your blogs, and I've posted 2 of your blog buttons. On this blog, I couldn't figure out which one was your blog button for Bluebell Woods. I would really like it if you showed my button on your blogs as well!

Welcome, glad to meet you and look forward to getting to know you!


Celestina Marie said...

Hi Janice,
You have shared such a touching post. I am so sorry that your daughter passed away way too soon She is a lovely girl and will live on in her son. What a darling little guy.

So nice to meet you and read you are living in Michigan. I was born and raised in Michigan and still have extended family living there. I now live in Texas and only get to Mich. now and then to visit family and friends. I so enjoyed my visit to your lovely blog and thank you for stopping by and your new following. I am now a new follower here as well.
Blessings to you and looking forward to visiting again soon.
Have a nice weekend, Celestina Marie

jgr said...

Hi Janice,
I saw that you are my newest follower and came by to say 'hello'. Your post is so beautiful. . . sad of course but you have a good outlook. That baby is SO adorable. I'm wishing for you and your family many blessings for this year and beyond.

Leann said...

There are no words to heal your heart it must mend piece by piece in your own time. My heart breaks for Tristen as I'm sure that yours does too. I'm glad that you have faith in the Lord.

Thanks so much for becoming a follower of The Old Parsonage, I've dropped by to do the same here. I think that we'll be fast friends.

Enjoy your weekend and that sweet baby boy!


Elizabeth Braun said...

What a tragic loss and, yes, she was very beautiful and would have made the bride of the decade!

She's at least sleeping peacefully now, awaiting a resurrection to life on earth in FAR better times than we are experiencing now. She is in the safest place in the universe - the infallible memory of the Most High.