Sacrifice..................

As we begin the Easter season so to speak......Lent and what that means to Christians, with the culmination of Christ's death and resurrection and what it means to me......I must reflect on my journey as a Christian. I grew up with really no instruction. We were apparently Church of England. So my mother told me. I was "Christened" there. I have my Baptism certificate. It says in effect that I have been Baptized with the sign of the cross, that hereafter I will not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified and manfully fight under his banner against sin, the world and the devil and to continue Christs faithful soldier and servant until my life's end.
While I willingly abide by that, as a child I could not. So it was that in my adult life after a lot of searching that would take a long time to explain, I finally became a "Christian". I was very confused for a long time. I read a lot. When I married it was as a Catholic because I really had no preference at that time even though I really was not Catholic material. The priest was young and I am sure wanted a conversion. It was not very long after we came to the States that I reverted back to Jehovah Witness, simply because I could get good bible studies with them and didn't know much else and I had studied with a friend who was a Witness through a lot of my teens and twenties.


Finally after other false starts I met a young pastor who answered my questions and made sense to me. That was it. I was "saved". I only use that word because people relate to it. Salvation is freely given by Christ, not a church or denomination. My life since then has been a journey in Faith. I have learned a lot. I know I am nothing within myself without Christ's love and sacrifice. I do not understand everything, I never will. I do know enough to accept what I do not know on Faith. I know that its not a religion. My faith and journey in Christ is a way of life. I fail, and fail often but I know that He expects that, if I did not then I would be perfect and would not need a saviour. I do though. I need Him every day, in every decision I make. I often forget to Thank Him for what He does for me. I often ask Him to bless a choice I made without consulting Him first. I forget to pray. I forget to honour requests for prayer. I forget to be selfless. I am a sinner. As far as things in my life I really did not do anything that might be considered wrong except for the most strict of denominations. That may not be totally true, but my point is that when I did become a Christian it was not like a visible change occurred. It was inside that changed the most. Attitude and outlook. It was a quiet conversion of my heart.
Bad things happen in everyone's life. I think of Job, a lot. I have had a very good life. When bad things do happen I do not blame God, its just life. God does not always intervene, even if we beg Him. He knows best. I trust that.




I know that now and I pray that His will be done. My granddaughter died a year ago in February. When she was still alive and in the hospital I prayed that she would recover if it be His will. It was not. I accepted that. It was not easy to get over her loss but I know that she is with the Lord and that some day we will see her again, God did not take her from us, it was an accident. What if He had answered my prayer (and many others) and she had lived but been badly damaged and not the fit cheerleader that she was. Could she have handled that? what would it have done to her life and her sons? I have no idea, but God knows. So it is I accept His will for us, we (my husband and me) are raising her son who was a baby at the time. I am 65 years old with a two year old. I accept that as God's will for my life for now. That has been my journey to peace within myself. It does not make me a better person than someone with no faith. It does not make me good. It makes me forgiven but it does not let me off the hook, its a daily struggle to accept what He wants for my life. Being forgiven does not mean I get a free ride, that I can do as I want, confess and be forgiven. No, that's not how it works. We do have an obligation to try to be our best, to learn what is expected of us and to show others that what we have, our faith in God and love of Christ is something worth having. He is the way.......He is the truth and He is the life everlasting.


I still have many unanswered questions, I actually enjoy thinking about and speculating about them. On the whole I am not concerned because I know some day I will have all the answers. Then they wont matter anyway. God wants the very best for us all. He gives us what we need to find our way to Him if we have open and honest hearts and sincerely look for Him then we will find Him. That is His promice.