Alexandra............

It will soon be 2 years on February 7th (my husbands birthday) that we lost Alexandra. She was 21. It has been a challenging two years, but we are blessed to have Tristen who is now 3 years old. I am his guardian and he is a blessing to us. I see so much of Alex in him. She was a drama queen to say the least. It comes natural, I know that now because I see it in her son every day. What a dramatist he is. Alexandra, we think of you every day, how can we not. For me and Gerry it's a challenge to be parents at our age. It also keeps us young (so I am told) and I see things now that I never had time to see when raising my own children. Or even my grandchildren for that matter. Alexandra lived with us from the time she was 16. She went home once only to come back again permanently. She had many troubles in her young life, mainly of her own creating. Still..........she was learning.
I think I loved the little Alex the most, I dont know. She was sooooo naughty. Much like someone else I could mention



She was full of mischief her entire life.

Alexandra loved attention, she craved it. Was always the center of it and sought it out.....being a Cheerleader just came natural.

She loved the camera and the camera loved her.


I dont think anyone else I know had as many pictures of themselves on Facebook.....yeah, she was vain. She was also beautiful.

I must say we have had some good laughs about her infatuation with her own self image.


As a young girl she loved horses. Especially my old horse Lady. She went to kentucky with her uncle Jason and Gabby went along one year too.


Alex became a mother. I think she enjoyed her pregnancy she took pictures through every stage.

She went into labour with a very positive attitude and the desire to be beautiful throughout the process, I think she was.



She had her dad and mum and stepmum and a couple of others to attend her.



She was not a Mother for very long, but she enjoyed it as much as she could, she was going to school and working and was engaged to be married. She was very busy with her life and looking towards the future.


Tristen was only 16 months when his mum died. He does not remember her but he knows who she is from the pictures. We go to visit her and he loves to go visit "Mama's house"........so sad, but he is doing very well and we just love him so much.
We miss you girl.............


This is a post script........sorry this is a long post but this part is very important...........Alexandra's mother (my daughter Laura ) wrote this.

Super Bowl Sunday has a different meaning for me now. It is the anniversary Sunday of when I lost my 21 year old daughter Alexandra from complications after being in a car crash. We had a wonderful evening with family and friends at a super bowl/ sledding party. Alex was her usual bright, laughing, obnoxious self.
It started snowing about 8 or 9 pm and as soon as the football game was over at 10pm we all made plans to head out in order to get home before the roads got too bad. I remember Robert and I outside dusting off our car and Alex doing hers. I had a small thought in the back of my mind to ask her if she wanted us to follow her or even better take her home in our car, but thought better of it as she has always been independent and I didn't want to make her feel like she needed her mom to take care of her. To this day, I wish I had gone with my gut. Robert and I left before her. We were half way home when Laura Peck Herman called us to say that Brian had just passed a car that had been in an accident and it looked like Alex's car. So, we turned around and went back. It was her. The car was smashed so bad.
Alex had been talking on her cell phone. We know this because someone ( i don't remember who now) called the last number on her phone and got a person who said that yes, he was on the phone with her and he heard her get into an accident.
The reason, the moral of this story is to tell you all...please...please please stay OFF your phones whilst driving! It is so not worth the possible repercussions.
Texting is one of the worst things you can do while driving. But talking on your cell especially in bad snow/rain conditions is also so dangerous. I truly believe she would have been alive today had she stayed off her phone. She was notorious for being a wild driver. She learned the hard way I am afraid. And it is her son who has lost the most.
This Super Bowl Sunday. Do not drink and drive, text and drive or talk on cell and drive. Do it for Alex. In her memory. So that you can wake up tomorrow with your loved ones safe and sound. It only takes a second to lose control. I always feel sorry for the people in the van she hit. They were not injured, but they will have the memory of a young woman dying that night for the rest of their lives. It affects more than just you! Remember that!
Thank you.

I am linking up with Make it Pretty Monday I am linking up in the hope that it will influence just one person.
Sharing also with PJH Designs Transformed Tuesdays

I Believe......................

I believe in peace. I believe in kindness. I believe in beauty inside and out. I believe that every living being has a right to exist on this earth. I believe that God made us all, I believe He made this world and everything in it and that we have no right to destroy that. I believe that to turn the other cheek is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength of character. I believe in love, in loving other people of loving our family and friends more than ourselves....but I believe we must also love and forgive ourselves as we forgive others. I believe in God's love, in His word and in His ability to change our lives. I believe His strength can sustain us when we have no strength left. I believe He will give us our basic needs and often gives us much more than we deserve. I believe His angels watch over us and aid us in times of trouble. I believe material things are fun but not necessary to make us happy. I believe our joy comes from within, from a clear conscience and a loving heart. I believe that often its the little things that give us joy and often little things that hurt us more than the big things, so I believe we should be careful of our words. Words have power to hurt more and do more harm than the physical. It often takes us a long time to realize that, and it takes us a long time to recover from verbal abuse. Be kind in your criticism and do not use words to hurt another. I believe that if a person is cruel to animals they are not good people inside where it counts. If they can look into an animals eyes and not have compassion then they are not worthy of my respect. When I look into the eyes of my own animal friends I see nothing but trust and love and some wise person once said "I wish I could be the person that my dog thinks I am" Life is not a do over, at least not on this earth and so we need to teach our children well and teach them that their name and characters count. I believe in caring for the elderly, the sick and the poor. I believe in respecting the belief and faith of others even if I think they are wrong. God gave us free will, freedom to choose and I can do no less even as I wish to save their soul. I believe that is done by showing that I have something worthy, that they might want in their own lives. I believe that is not achieved by a Holier than Thou attitude or threats of hellfire. I believe the Holy Spirit is here to do that. I believe that by trying to live a good life, by hopefully showing by example, by giving what I can and doing what I can to help other people they may see a shadow of Gods love in my life. My entire existence is dependent upon Him, He helps me through the hard times. He uplifts me in times of trouble. He gives me all I need even while I know I do not deserve it. I am unworthy of His love but I feel His love all around me every day. I see His love in the beauty of this world as well as the horror of what life is like without Him in it. I believe that even in those places it seems God has abandoned one can find a glimmer of hope and find Him if people care to look. His Spirit is everywhere around us until that day that we are all called back to Him..... but no man knows that day and time and so I believe that we must do the best we can while we are here. In small ways and big, in opportunities that are presented to us we can change the world. Sometimes it just takes one person to make a difference. If each one who believes in Gods grace would stand up and just do what is right when the opportunity presents itself, then we leave a better place behind us. The bad things in this life are not here so much because of bad people, but because good people stand by and do nothing..........Take a deep breath and just do it.

Sacrifice..................

As we begin the Easter season so to speak......Lent and what that means to Christians, with the culmination of Christ's death and resurrection and what it means to me......I must reflect on my journey as a Christian. I grew up with really no instruction. We were apparently Church of England. So my mother told me. I was "Christened" there. I have my Baptism certificate. It says in effect that I have been Baptized with the sign of the cross, that hereafter I will not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified and manfully fight under his banner against sin, the world and the devil and to continue Christs faithful soldier and servant until my life's end.
While I willingly abide by that, as a child I could not. So it was that in my adult life after a lot of searching that would take a long time to explain, I finally became a "Christian". I was very confused for a long time. I read a lot. When I married it was as a Catholic because I really had no preference at that time even though I really was not Catholic material. The priest was young and I am sure wanted a conversion. It was not very long after we came to the States that I reverted back to Jehovah Witness, simply because I could get good bible studies with them and didn't know much else and I had studied with a friend who was a Witness through a lot of my teens and twenties.


Finally after other false starts I met a young pastor who answered my questions and made sense to me. That was it. I was "saved". I only use that word because people relate to it. Salvation is freely given by Christ, not a church or denomination. My life since then has been a journey in Faith. I have learned a lot. I know I am nothing within myself without Christ's love and sacrifice. I do not understand everything, I never will. I do know enough to accept what I do not know on Faith. I know that its not a religion. My faith and journey in Christ is a way of life. I fail, and fail often but I know that He expects that, if I did not then I would be perfect and would not need a saviour. I do though. I need Him every day, in every decision I make. I often forget to Thank Him for what He does for me. I often ask Him to bless a choice I made without consulting Him first. I forget to pray. I forget to honour requests for prayer. I forget to be selfless. I am a sinner. As far as things in my life I really did not do anything that might be considered wrong except for the most strict of denominations. That may not be totally true, but my point is that when I did become a Christian it was not like a visible change occurred. It was inside that changed the most. Attitude and outlook. It was a quiet conversion of my heart.
Bad things happen in everyone's life. I think of Job, a lot. I have had a very good life. When bad things do happen I do not blame God, its just life. God does not always intervene, even if we beg Him. He knows best. I trust that.




I know that now and I pray that His will be done. My granddaughter died a year ago in February. When she was still alive and in the hospital I prayed that she would recover if it be His will. It was not. I accepted that. It was not easy to get over her loss but I know that she is with the Lord and that some day we will see her again, God did not take her from us, it was an accident. What if He had answered my prayer (and many others) and she had lived but been badly damaged and not the fit cheerleader that she was. Could she have handled that? what would it have done to her life and her sons? I have no idea, but God knows. So it is I accept His will for us, we (my husband and me) are raising her son who was a baby at the time. I am 65 years old with a two year old. I accept that as God's will for my life for now. That has been my journey to peace within myself. It does not make me a better person than someone with no faith. It does not make me good. It makes me forgiven but it does not let me off the hook, its a daily struggle to accept what He wants for my life. Being forgiven does not mean I get a free ride, that I can do as I want, confess and be forgiven. No, that's not how it works. We do have an obligation to try to be our best, to learn what is expected of us and to show others that what we have, our faith in God and love of Christ is something worth having. He is the way.......He is the truth and He is the life everlasting.


I still have many unanswered questions, I actually enjoy thinking about and speculating about them. On the whole I am not concerned because I know some day I will have all the answers. Then they wont matter anyway. God wants the very best for us all. He gives us what we need to find our way to Him if we have open and honest hearts and sincerely look for Him then we will find Him. That is His promice.

Close the door ............................

we close the door on this old sad year
where loss and death caused many a tear.
A new year waits with promice and hope
we must move on and begin to cope.
While memories linger and we will still glance back
we can set our feet on a brand new track
We can close that door and lean against it
shut out its shadows, a new candle is lit.
we will always love the one who has gone
but we have to move forwards and start to be strong
New dreams and new challenges lay up ahead
We can not always look forward with dread
Yes we miss our loved one for sure
but it is now time to close up that door
Pick up that candle and hold it up high
march onwards and forwards with eyes to the sky
Our Faith will sustain us and hold us upright
as we look up ahead with bright candlelight.
JKS Jan 2012

Quandry of Faith..................

Why is religion so hard to talk about. I see both sides to the quandary. So many Christians take offense when others question them and get hot and snippy when their answers are doubted.
God gave us free will. It is up to the individual to decide what they believe. As a Christian I do believe it my obligation to talk about my faith when its appropriate. It is the only way to bring others to the Lord. However it does not mean I have to hit people over the head with my bible to make them listen. I will talk about my faith when people bring it up. I can state what I believe and if I get ridicule I can take it. I know how it sounds sometimes to those who do not have that personal relationship with our Lord. Especially women who believe they are not answerable anymore to anyone, especially men. I do not agree with that but its their right to believe it as ifs mine to disagree.
I do not think my body or my life is my own. They belongs to God. I am by nature a rebel. Not a good thing sometimes, I question way too much but thats my personality. I believe in proving all that can be proven, but....I can now accept that which I can not yet prove because of the answers that I have already found.
I enjoy a good debate. I don't have all the answers and I like to hear others opinions and to concider them.
I do believe that the bible is the word of God, I believe in God's ability to protect His word. Is every word true?. I don't know that because I believe that books have been left out. What I do know is that in context, it is true and shows us the way to Christ and salvation. The rest is to teach us life's lessons. To me it is almost a magical book because it does mean different things to different people. That's not contradictory, its how God can help us and answer prayer. Enlighten us.
I believe that we are not meant for this world in the end, God has a higher purpose for those who love Him. I love the world, the natural world and treasure it. However this world will someday change, will pass. We as Christians who have been saved by the blood of Christ will go on to fulfill our destiny. What that is I do not know, just that its good, that there will be a new heaven and new earth. That we Will be with God, have access and friendship with God as man was created to do in the beginning.
I know a lot of people can not understand why terrible things can happen to innocent people and God does not stop that. They forget that this life is not everything. That God does not often intervene. He does not promise us a long and happy life. Sometimes tragedy promotes good, if it happens to a Christian they can be a huge witness to the unsaved and bring people into the knowledge of God, see God's love and support in harsh times . God only promised to help us through difficult times not to stop them from happening. Does he stop bad things, sometimes........I am sure that sometimes He can and does. Mostly though He hopes we can work through things and trust Him. He did not close the mouths of the lions when Christians were thrown in at the Roman games, but He did give them courage to face what was to come in the knowlege that it would last just a short time before they were face to face with God Himself.
I think that if Christians looked more to what Christ would do in situations they might be a bit more popular with the mainstream of people who do not believe. Rather than the holier than thou stance that some take.
The fact is no one is perfect. If we could get to heaven based on our own goodness, our own good works then Christ died in vain, was sacrificed for naught. We do need Christ though, He is the mediator between us imperfect people and God almighty. Without Christs intervention we would never ever be good enough to be with the Creator who can only accept perfection and can not accept sin.
Sin.....just a word for being imperfect people. Sinners. Wrong in thought or deed, just one and we are not perfect. We need Christ.
Jesus came to die. No one took His life. He could have called upon 10,000 angels to save Him but instead he looked upon the sin of the world, every bad and terrible deed and thought ever done. He took that burden on Himself. He who had never sinned and He did it for me. For you..........so that we do not have to pay the consequences for our own mistakes and sin.
That does not mean that once forgiven we have a clean slate and can sin over and over again. No....it means that we must confess and not do it anymore, or at least try. God sees our hearts and intentions. He can help us to change and does.......He works in our lives if we allow it and changes us gradually into something better than we were. Even so we are still human. Still imperfect, still sinners, still making mistakes.
The church has a lot to answer for. In the past and present..........many have been misled. Many turned off of religion, many will not know Christ because of the hypocrisy in the churches. They will answer for that. Even so, each of us is ultimately responsible for our own salvation and finding our way to God because if we do not make the effort, then we are lost.
All we have to do is ask.....if we are honest and willing God will find us. He will send someone who will tell us what we need to know and do.
We need the faith that a child has in its parents. We need to cultivate faith, the ability to believe when something does not make sense. To trust that God can not lie, that God will always show us the right way.
He may not stop trouble from coming into our lives but will help us through it. For the most part our own selfishness brings on the trouble, and our wrong living shapes our future......that can not change. We just might make better choices in the future and that will then change our lives for the better but we will still have consequences to deal with. Salvation is not a free pass out of our problems in this life, just our ticket to the next one. This is not our reality, we are the catapillar, death the crysalis and the butterfly is our eternal life.